https://amybowentherapy.com/resources daily 0.75 2026-06-17 https://amybowentherapy.com/resources/positive-projection monthly 0.5 2026-06-17 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/67bcbd949ba2ad6b0e44ed50/1781732019323-1L0IJD1PUP961TJ8TV3S/unsplash-image-t6HfCXpckt4.jpg Mental Health Resources | Amy Bowen, CMHC - Positive Projection: - It’s a normal part of your developmental years to try and figure out how to meet other people’s expectations, get your needs met, or feel a sense of belonging. In relatively healthy environments, we succeed at this more often than we fail. Unfortunately, not every environment is particularly healthy. If you had more experiences feeling like you weren’t ever good enough, people didn’t get you, your emotions or reactions were “too big,” and you have high levels of empathy, chances are you good you never want to make someone else feel that way. This is very often the experience of neurodivergent people. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/67bcbd949ba2ad6b0e44ed50/1781732101236-4VXISX0UGEWCHJJGHHS8/unsplash-image-qmnpqDwla_E.jpg Mental Health Resources | Amy Bowen, CMHC - Positive Projection: What if instead the goal became: I am willing to see the truth about people, whether or not it makes me uncomfortable. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/67bcbd949ba2ad6b0e44ed50/1781732209971-S998EK9JL45DOJ38ODI3/unsplash-image-bczrpU9n8f4.jpg Mental Health Resources | Amy Bowen, CMHC - Positive Projection: - This pattern is often fostered by the underlying belief of the victim that they are flawed, it’s probably their fault, or they should be able to find a way to fix it. This fits perfectly with the narcissist’s underlying belief that they are entitled to comfort, other people should just be grateful to be in their circle, and that if there is a problem, it’s someone else’s fault. These patterns form a feedback loop that is really hard to break. If you relate to this, the first step is being able to recognize that positive projection and taking on excessive responsibility or self-blame are emotional regulation tools. Not facts. They also often function to try and prove that you aren’t bad. To try and prove other people wrong. This especially applies if you relate to being the scapegoat or black sheep in your family growing up. While this is an understandable response, trying to meet that goal will burn you out. (Plus it makes you more vulnerable to narcissistic and/or toxic people.) The second step is practicing some curiosity about what you’d be feeling if you weren’t taking responsibility or trying to silver-line someone’s behavior. What would it be like if you just gave yourself permission to feel whatever that feeling is? What would you need to feel a little bit safer feeling that feeling? https://amybowentherapy.com/resources/am-i-actually-the-narcissist monthly 0.5 2026-06-17 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/67bcbd949ba2ad6b0e44ed50/1781481062565-IJ1178GXW6TNTXZZEZW8/unsplash-image-NuLvxaduQFg.jpg Mental Health Resources | Amy Bowen, CMHC - Am I Actually the Narcissist? - Here’s what DARVO stands for: D - Deny A - Attack (specifically credibility/reality) R - Reverse V - Victim O - Offender https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/67bcbd949ba2ad6b0e44ed50/1781481274691-UODD7YNN79U2JCMWT2TK/unsplash-image-4NgW7sT2mHE.jpg Mental Health Resources | Amy Bowen, CMHC - Am I Actually the Narcissist? Sometimes abusive people also use DARVO as a way to bait you into a huge reaction - one that they’ll weaponize against you and use to prove their point. This is called reactive abuse, and deserves its own separate post. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/67bcbd949ba2ad6b0e44ed50/1781480094010-MBX5O495WTPQQ1EKIUL3/unsplash-image-W-suV77e-U8.jpg Mental Health Resources | Amy Bowen, CMHC - Am I Actually the Narcissist? - Over time, this cycle can become so fast in your own mind that the second you feel a twinge of anger, frustration, or disgust at something your partner does, your brain is already looping through DARVO to shut it down. This is a form of brainwashing and training. Think of clicker training a new puppy or spraying a cat with a water bottle every time they do something you don’t like. That’s what is happening to you. And our brains are so protective of the pain that they reinforce it even when we’re not with the person. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/67bcbd949ba2ad6b0e44ed50/1781482144824-ESVNDQW7VRR62YIHTP10/unsplash-image-_g1WdcKcV3w.jpg Mental Health Resources | Amy Bowen, CMHC - Am I Actually the Narcissist? However, if you are seeing these patterns in someone else, please do not hear that as hope for you to stay. Please DO NOT WAIT for this person to change, especially if they’re already a full-grown adult. You cannot ever influence or create that change for someone else. If you’re with someone who acknowledges they have narcissistic traits and you’re experiencing a lot of trauma as a result, my recommendation is to make a strategic plan to get out. https://amybowentherapy.com/resources/category/Religious+Deconstruction monthly 0.5 https://amybowentherapy.com/resources/category/Neurodivergence monthly 0.5 https://amybowentherapy.com/resources/category/Abuse+Recovery monthly 0.5 https://amybowentherapy.com/resources/category/Narcissistic+Abuse monthly 0.5 https://amybowentherapy.com/resources/tag/Dr.+Jennifer+Freyd monthly 0.5 https://amybowentherapy.com/resources/tag/DARVO monthly 0.5 https://amybowentherapy.com/resources/tag/Neurodivergence monthly 0.5 https://amybowentherapy.com/resources/tag/Complex+PTSD monthly 0.5 https://amybowentherapy.com/resources/tag/Gaslighting monthly 0.5 https://amybowentherapy.com/resources/tag/Narcissism monthly 0.5 https://amybowentherapy.com/resources/tag/Abuse+Recovery monthly 0.5 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